Too much left to show and see

Am I just a shadow of me now?

Is it time to take the last bow?

Was that the last card to be dealt?

Do I need to fold accepting I failed?

Did I reach the point of no return?

Can it never be again undone?

Can I only regret and repent every day?

And then with time slowly vanish away?

It doesn’t really matter what people say,

Coz when the sun shone, I did not make hay,

I was busy with momentary joy and sorrow,

I lived life like there was no tomorrow.

Well, guess what, tomorrow is finally here,

Bearing news worse than my worst fear,

The sun won’t shine on me anymore,

It can never be the same as before.

I have no one but myself to blame,

For this hurt, pain, sorrow and shame,

Numb and blank in silent lament,

Will I never get a chance for atonement?

I have let people down so bad, hurt them so,

Nothing that I promise will let the shame go,

That eerie silence that stretches every night over dinner,

That defeat in the eyes of the ones who considered you a winner

If I live for a 100 years, I will still not forget,

Another feat in my long list of regret,

Another new way I found to be humiliated,

Another new way to feel worthless and hated,

Every new day brings the same old tale,

Of how I threw it all away, how I did fail,

Of how I can never get it back now or ever,

Coz mistakes like these are meant to last forever.

They last forever, and remind you each new day,

How you ruined it all, how you threw it all away,

And with this thought, I will set to pick up the remains,

With this thought, I will get down to battle again.

Coz, yes I lost, I couldn’t do what everyone could,

But that was coz I didn’t do what I supposedly should,

I failed so bad, because I did not try to win,

I failed because I wasn’t ready from within.

So many false starts, so many goals to be met,

But nothing of consequence was ever really set,

Coz my head and heart were both not in sync with me,

And I let them be for way to long, you see.

So, on this November night, with a coffee mug on my left,

I pledge to myself, I will never let myself be bereft,

Bereft of what I can get if I only try a little more,

Coz I already lost too much and it has numbed my core.

I am never going to be that numb in life,

No matter how long I have to toil and strife,

I refuse to be just a shadow of me,

There is too much left to show and see

I know how to Stay Foolish, Stay Hungry

One day I will prove them wrong,

Coz this will only make me strong.

Even though it hurts too much now,

I know I am not going to take a bow.

There is too much to lose, too much at stake,

I know I will never make the same mistake,

Even though it pains to have doors shut on your face,

I know I can alone find my joy, my solace.

It’s hard to accept I wasn’t good enough,

But I know I have it in me to overcome the tough,

The roads can be rough; the climb is always steep,

But I am never gonna give up again and weep.

Coz I am made for great things, just like everyone,

& it’s a waste to cry over what has been done,

Coz you can knock me down all you want and stamp on me,

I’ll be fine; I know how to STAY FOOLISH, STAY HUNGRY.

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Those unexpected "perfect" days!

When you are awaken by a call mid morning on a weekday, and your sleep deprived mind registers instructions to "get the hell up, coz company is arriving in fifteen minutes", and you mumble a yes and nod back to sleep again. Yet, precisely fourteen minutes later, you are standing at the door, waiting for the culprits who stole your sleep, not caring how messy the room is, or for that matter how hideous you yourself look!

After less than half hearted attempts at problem solving while nibbling home made sandwiches for over two hours in between ample of talking, you realize some days are just too perfect to just live and forget, some days need to be remembered and cherished for times to come.

I do not know where will the three of us be a year from now. Whether we will live in the same city, study the same courses or live lives that are altogether different from what we have now.

The only thing I do know is that nothing in the future can sully what we had, and still continue having.

Of knife, blood and the silver glint

I look at the knife, and it glints back at me

And I cant help but wonder how would that feeling be,

Of cold metal against the blue vein,

When finally it would stop the pain.

Red liquid flowing all over the place,

And me finally finding my solace.

That sick relation between the killer and the kill,

That relationship you can have with your own will.

That moment when everything that’s evil,

Joins theirs forces and inside you prevail.

When you see just black and no white,

When it feels its never going to be right,

When you are in that haze of self hatred,

And you have lost everything that's sacred.

When you are happy to hurt, joyous to cry,

When you are too fucking tired to try,

When they can't bring you back,

And the determination your life lacks,

When you are empty, bitter, morose and hollow,

And the trodden roads you don't wanna follow,

You know you can never get what you want,

No matter how much you work, or rave n rant.

When your own don't trust you anymore,

When you know nothing can ever be like before.

You look at the knife and it glints back.

You simply pick it and place it in the rack.

'Coz no matter how fucked up it all seems,

You  know there is always a way to redeem.

Vote for me now! Blogomania 2012 presented by watchkart.com - India's leading online store to buy watches at best prices.

Of knife, blood and the silver glint

I look at the knife, and it glints back at me

And I cant help but wonder how would that feeling be,

Of cold metal against the blue vein,

When finally it would stop the pain.

Red liquid flowing all over the place,

And me finally finding my solace.

That sick relation between the killer and the kill,

That relationship you can have with your own will.

That moment when everything that’s evil,

Joins theirs forces and inside you prevail.

When you see just black and no white,

When it feels its never going to be right,

When you are in that haze of self hatred,

And you have lost everything that's sacred.

When you are happy to hurt, joyous to cry,

When you are too fucking tired to try,

When they can't bring you back,

And the determination your life lacks,

When you are empty, bitter, morose and hollow,

And the trodden roads you don't wanna follow,

You know you can never get what you want,

No matter how much you work, or rave n rant.

When your own don't trust you anymore,

When you know nothing can ever be like before.

You look at the knife and it glints back.

You simply pick it and place it in the rack.

'Coz no matter how fucked up it all seems,

You  know there is always a way to redeem.

Vote for me now! Blogomania 2012 presented by watchkart.com - India's leading online store to buy watches at best prices.

An Ode to F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Six people stole my heart and I am at a loss,
Rachel, Joey, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe and Ross,
10 awesome season, 1 incredible show
That made me happy when I was low.

There was once a runaway bride,
Who ran to the big apple to hide,
She was snobbish and a lil mean,
Meet the famous Rachel Green.

Rachel knew a formerly fat chick,
Such a perfectionist it made you sick!
Here's Monica Geller, the perfect host.
With her thanksgiving turkey roast!

Monica's brother, a dinosaurs man,
Wanted to marry as many times as he can.
Put in his love for Rachel in the toss,
And you get the Geller guy, Ross!

The funny man with troubled mom-dad,
The best friend that Ross has always had,
The one who got Monica a wedding ring.
Put your hands together for Chandler Bing.

The not so famous actor with Italian looks,
He used to freezer for keeping scary books,
He slept with every Jane, Mary and Chloe,
How you doing, Mr Tribbiani (Joey) !!

I saved my favorite for the end,
The crazy, weird & wonderful friend,
She is the one and only Phoebe Buffay,
Who was once married to a pseudo-gay!

236 episodes of this wonderful gang,
In the end they went with a bang!
No matter what, they make you smile,
Every single minute is worth while.

I often wonder if it can be true,
To meet such people who love you,
Despite your failures and mistakes,
Who will never give you heartaches.

When you are sick, they will stay awake,
You will never fear about emotions fake,
You are sure that always you with find in each other,
A friend, a trustee, a sister or a brother.

And every time you feel betrayed and pain grows,
You dismiss F.R.I.E.N.D.S as a fictitious show.
But then again, a part of you still keeps the hope alive,
Because, without friends, it really isn't a true life!

That undefined term called Friendship

It is not very often that one wonders about friends and friendship. It is not very often that one sits and thinks about the first time you met someone and how from mere acquaintances you became best buddies. But somehow, after an exhausting day today, I did just that. I started remembering how, when , where I became friends with the incredible people I have in my life, and I found no connection or pattern.

I do not know what triggers two people to come close. I do not know how they remain close despite fundamental differences in their tastes, choices and preferences. And I definitely do not know what holds them together, year after year, when everything about them is changed.

Sometimes you have no clue whatsoever about how the friendship started because you are just five when it all began. You remember talking for hours to her afterwards, but the beginning is always blurry at best. You remember thinking the world ended when she moved away, and that you were God's favourite person when she moved right back again in your city. You remember cursing the syllabus and freaking out before exams together. You remember following the policy of never discussing the paper after exams religiously together. Most importantly, you remember "together" for fifteen years, and know for a fact there are atleast three decades more of it.

Sometimes, you are so busy feeling lonely and sorry for your self, that you completely overlook your future ally sitting a couple of benches away. After a million yawns over the not so interesting lectures, one fine day you realize that you have found a crimson rose in the endless desert and didn't even notice it till now. And you end up spending almost every waking hour of the day together after that. And there is never a lack of topics to discuss and debate. Never a shortage of things to do and places to visit. Never an awkward silence, never a chance of distrust, never the fear of betrayal.

Sometimes again, you don't even need to meet a person to be a friend. You get to know each other while spamming a common friend's social network account. You  then exchange email ids and begin talking. You realize both have the same object of desire- "chilly chicken" and BAAM!! you are best friends!! Sometimes that's how effortless it is. And who you thought was just a guy with a common motive ( which was to irritate the hell out of the person with that unfortunate social network account) turns out to be a "secret-keeper". You know you can be yourself around this guy and you know he might be questioning your sanity for it, but will never hold that against you. :)

And sometimes all it takes is a "click-card"!!
(You know you can writes pages about this one, but somehow it will never be enough.)

Sometimes, after spending the whole of your junior high and half of your high school listening to his name being announced as the winner for almost every academic competition the school participates in, and secretly  wondering who the guy is, you meet him, you know him, you click with him, you get into scrapes with teachers with him, you make fun of him, you make fun with him, you trust him, you respect him, you know he is another of those "gems" and you know he is "fundamentally forever friends".

Sometimes, you don't remember how you became friends. You don't care what the world says about you two- about how every time you talk, someone or the other is always ready with a comment. You know you have handled them well for the last sixteen years, and you tell them to bring it on for the next sixty, your friendship will be just fine.


And sometimes you have nothing but the computer lab to thank!

Sometimes, you see a lanky boy standing five classes away from yours in the corridor, and you wonder how a friendship might be. You wonder, and wonder, and wonder some more, till the last two years of your school life ends with just a handful of conversations. Two years down the line you are miraculously fast friends and you have nothing or no one to account for it. What can I say, if its meant to be, its meant to be!!

And sometimes, there are just so many people, and so many memories, that it is not possible to record them all.

Friendship is undefined, friendship is beautiful, and sometimes, it hurts like hell. But at the end of the day, friendship is what makes the journey a little simpler, the life a little better, and the heart a lot heartier!!

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Of Goals, Distractions and Inspirations

My second year exams ended a couple of days ago. And instead of watching mindless movies and unnecessary shopping, I decided to read a book and chanced upon "The last lecture" by Randy Pausch. Unlike most netizens out there, I had never heard of either the person or the amazing last lecture. But by the time I was done with the book (which is precisely fifteen minutes ago), I began seeing my life in a whole new light.

Now, I am neither going to go over the details of this book nor summary the lecture here. If you haven't heard of it, just Google it up. I am here to write about what it made me realize. It made me take a stroll in the memory lane. It took me to the time where dreams were simple and silly, where the innocent mind of a child not knowing whether a dream was feasible or not, dreamt of the impossible anyway. And more than anything else, it made me realize how I have neglected those dreams. Frankly, not just those, but also the ones I made as a teenager. And how I have been living the life of a zombie- walking like the dead, day in and day out.

Life is a culmination of many wonderful  "moments". It takes a moment to fall in love, and a moment to snap out of it. It takes a moment to make a friend and a moment to be betrayed. And for the last couple of years, I haven't had too many of these moments.

I had hopes, high hopes at that; and I had goals, big ones too. And then I got distracted, big time! All my goals were swept under the carpet, all the dreams were forgotten and I continued enjoying the distraction. And by the time the distraction ditched me, I was so attached to it, that I remained distracted some more thinking how could the distraction dump me so. Yes, that is how the story is!

But, Dr. Pausch here, may he rest in peace, made me pull out those swept away dreams from under the proverbial carpet. He made me realize the importance of time, and how one fine day some guy in a white coat might just come and say "your time is about to be up soon, kid".

Life is too short to be wasting. And no matter how much people tell you that everything happens in the virtual world now- shopping online, meeting new people online, "hanging out" online- take it from me, all you remember of the "incredible" time you had online is a blurr of you, your fingers flying on the keyboard and your eyes glued to the monitor. Pretty hard to make "moments" with just you and your computer, won't you agree? Pretty hard to turn dreams into reality that way too, while we are at it.

It takes a "moment" to get inspired, but somehow I have seen this moment coming toward me for quite a few days now and today it finally hit me. Inspiration is very, very strong. It urges you to work for the seemingly impossible and finally achieve it. It makes you go to crazy levels to get what you want. But most importantly, it teaches you how to live life. It reminds you of your priorities and how happy you were when you had them straight.

I think I have come to a full circle now. I know I had thought I had come to a full circle a hundred times before. The difference? Well, I am writing about it this time, whereas earlier I would just sleep on it and forget it in the morning.

So, here's to how picking up a random book from a friend's bookshelf after a fortnight of exams, instead of relaxing you, pushes you to work harder than ever before to be a somebody, to fulfill the goals you set long ago, to achieve the dreams that a part of your brain says is silly, but the rest is still holding on to. Here is to chances, and miracles, and moments!!